Magician you say?

I feel a little bit like a magician. 

 Just two days ago I decided that it was time to purge the old clothes to make way for the new.  I am feeling a little bit like a snake shedding it's skin.  It is a tough transition to go from fat girl to a skinnier girl.  Particularly when you are accustomed to being the fat girl.  Now, understand I say fat girl with the utmost respect. 

I have rocked this fat girl thing for years. 

I am by no means a skinny chic, but I aspire to be a recovered fat chic.

My style has always been a little edgy, not conservative. 

I enjoy expressing myself through my clothes. 

What I found when going through the closet is that I buy my clothes too big.

I believe this is a symptom of the fat girl disease.  I can be thinner and I still believe that I wear a 3X.  I don't but my perception of myself is still slightly off. 

I have found that this entire life journey has show me that I have to own what I have done to  my body.  See, I can stand by and use the "well, I have been so sick" excuse until I end up diabetic. 

BUT

I am choosing NOT to do that. 

It is the hardest thing in the world to take responsibility for your body, mind and soul. 

It is a long long journey, but I hope that I can keep growing.

I want to live. 

I mean that in the simplest of terms, with the most convenient definitions. 

I want to live. 

So, I took a snapshot of "my proverbial closet", and my literal one.

I tried on all of the clothes that I have worn for so long. 

I looked in the mirror to see if I want to keep them (if they fit) or if it was time to sell them.

I felt so empowered doing this exercise. 

I was able to see tangible results. 

I was able to see that I have been doing the right things for myself.

In my mind I was doing these things, but they weren't REAL to me. 

I had to see what I saw in that mirror to allow myself to rejoice in my progress.

Why is that?

It is because I have enlisted over all for these years such negative self talk.

 I would degraded myself, allow the defeatist to win over my mind.

I said on 7/11/11 that my life was new on that day, and on 8/23/11 I was able to prove that I am worth all of this.

I suggest you do some magic of your own. 

It might be exactly what the Dr. ordered.

I am refreshed.