"What are you up to these days?"

Have you ever built something up in your mind that you can not ever achieve it?

I was so psyched about the time I would get to spend with my friends, and I suppose I imagined it would go differently.

(mind you much was unavoidable, that is not what I am talking about)

I had a complete blast on the first day spending time with V & A's kids and evening with many of our fellow 1991 Grads! 

It was so effortless, genuine and I am thankful for that time.

 

I am so happy I was able to see (and spend time with) A, V, J, K, & P.  I really enjoy all of thier company!

I feel like I have such a different life than many of my friends. 

I feel it is hard for me to relate, engage & contribute sometimes.

For example: 

I do not have kids

I consider myself very successful (I am alive, and I have dedicated my life to helping others).

I dance

I paint

I create

  I really don't care what other people think 

I am not a fake person

I live my life as an adventure.

I try new things

I take pictures

(not for me but for those that come after I am gone)

I know myself, and I don't participate in faking it for pomp and circumstance sake.

I am honest

I am REAL and I live in the NOW.

I feel like this is what many people want to say and don't.

I also have had to deal with a few very large things that many others haven't.

For example:

30 +surgeries, 9 majors, a multiple other procedures

(and everything that entails)

A disease that NO ONE can fix

(and everything that entails)

No children-I can not have them.

(hardest thing ever)

Imminent death if I didn't have a lifesaving surgery.

I have to work, to have insurance, to pay for the drugs, to stay alive.

I suppose I have a much different point of view.

My struggle is with trying to survive, literally.

I could have spent 45 minutes at the reunion, left and enjoyed my evening. 

I felt super guilty that my friend wasn't able to attend, and I couldn't get it out of my mind.

I kind of felt like...what do I say, really?

My truth, is not a glamorous one but I am blessed to still be here.